#2 Impending divorce – The papers need to be worked on and signed and then the 6 month process of sitting around to get it approved will happen. But by 2012, I should be a legally single man and I hope to dear god that my current wife and I are on good terms when it does. It would not help Molly in the short, nor long term, if we are at each others throats.

#3 Professionally grasping the reigns of other marketing channels and making sure that I understand them to round out my entire marketing knowledge. I think my biggest issue is broadcast, the online world I understand, but it is the offline piece that I have to get a better grasp on. So there will be times that I need to pop my head in there and muck around a little bit.

#4 Financially – I have been able to get things to a point where they are manageable, by the fist quarter of the year I should in theory have it at a point where everything is situated and taken care of. So I am excited about that. This of course will change with the impending divorce as I have no clue what is going to be dictated to me in regards to the divorce. But with everything, I will have to adapt to things and work through them.

#5 40 – yes, the big 4-0 is on the horizon and I am looking forward to it.

When it comes to me it is simple, I see something that needs to happen and I do it. When it comes to interacting with others and having them do what I think is right is where things start to crumble. I see things as how they can work out and I know they will, but others are just to hard headed to think things through and they directly effect me. It is infuriating and instead of solving an issue quickly, the issue drags on. It is almost like killing something, instead of killing the problem slowly, someone decides to do something to prolong the death and make it torturous.

I keep having this sense that she is undermining me. She is already expressed her dislike that I have been going to the gym, she has already spent a good amount of time questioning my motives. I really am looking to do the marathon. I am looking to finish something that came as a thought 13 years ago. My motives have always been out there, like a handful of cards turned upright on a card table for everyone to see. It annoys me when my motives are questioned, when there is nothing to prove that I am being malicious, or anything along those lines. It just happened that 2012 my birthday fell on the exact day of the LA Marathon and then the ball started to roll, getting bigger and bigger and bigger, like a snowball. I feel good about myself, I feel good about what I am doing, for the first time in a long time, I feel alive and willing to do what is needed to achieve one of my life’s goals. At every turn, when I need to do a workout, especially after the last two weeks, I have been shamed that I would prefer to do a workout than spend time with Molly. When that is not the case.

We have a schedule and I want to abide by it, but sometimes if I can alter something, or get Molly at a later time, she should work with me on this. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to get to the point where someone can actually do the distance and the last two weeks have been a total crap shoot when i can work out. I hate it.

I feel that I am hitting walls at every turn with her and it annoys me.

I do not miss the arguing, the late nights, the mind games, the constant bickering. Those were obviously the main reasons that we are not together, but I do miss the relationship. I miss the laying in bed and hearing the breathing, I miss the hand on the hip, I miss the random kiss to the top of the head.

Maybe it is the emotion of the holiday, maybe it is the fact that the loneliness has just overcome me, but the last few weeks have been difficult to say the least. I try to keep my mind occupied with other things. I think I have hand written the start of at least 5 different short stories/books that may come to fruition. I have started running/walking in anticipation for the 26.2 mile torture rack known as the LA Marathon on my birthday, so that has worn me out pretty good at nights, but with Molly being off for two weeks and timing being bad I have not had the ability to do that. So I find myself just laying in bed with my eyes open looking at the ceiling wondering if I will ever be in a position to enjoy the little things in life again.

I crave human contact. Not sex, sex is easy to get and it really does not solve the inherent need that I have at the moment. I want to hold someones hand, I want to have someone lay on me to watch television. I yearn for someone to just sit there laying next to me in bed, hearing them breathe, having them roll over and have their arm drape over my chest. I seek the the feeling of being “liked” and respected, I want someone that I do not even have to speak to, rather a subtle glance tells them the story. I want to sit down and just reach across the table and hold their hand and feel comforted. I had this with Jocelyn, but everything else surrounding it just was not functioning and she made the decision to part ways with me. I completely understand why things are the way they are, and I agree with it. But what I miss the most are those little things that mean so much.

I am just so damn lonely. If I were a drinking man I probably would have drank myself into a stupor almost every night this past month.

I knew that we would be getting our money around the time that Molly’s birthday would happen and just by pure happenstance she had the week before Presidents Day off. I quickly took the time off as well, determined to spend the week at home and hang out with her instead of working from home and just letting the week go to waste. Then I thought about a trip with her. Some place that she had never been too before, a place that she would appreciate. A place that I vaguely remembered, but had an excellent time at when i was a kid. Washington DC was that location.

My parents took Joe and I to the Smithsonian when we were kids and I still remember it, little flashes, nothing concrete, but this was a plan and it started rolling from there. Maybe this is where I got my love of history, I am not sure, but I do know that she will be immersed in it. She has been given a little notepad to carry around with her to put notes in and is required to write 5 things she learned every day while we are gone. This will be accompanied by pictures of the locations with her little blurb. I hope to dear god she gets inspired, this is the age that she needs to understand that she can start to make a difference in her own life. She needs to grab on to something and run with it. I want her to understand that her dreams can be reached with some work. I want her to understand that nothing is standing in her way of accomplishing anything, other than herself.

By understanding how our government works, understanding the amount of time that this country has been around and what this country was built on, maybe that will foster a sense of pride in her that I feel about being an American. Granted, i look at two flags with equal value, the South Korean flag and the United States flag, they are equal in my eyes. My mother is Korean and my father born int he United States. That is my legacy. Molly is from two parents that come from different ethnicities, but she is American through and through. She is what this country is about, if you want to talk about a melting pot, she is the perfect example. She is part Korean, she is part Filipino, she is part Caucasian, she is part Native American, she is part Chinese, there is probably more so in her background that we do not even know. She is the perfect example of multiculturalism today. I hope she takes this mantle and runs with it.

The United States is the mutt of the world. This is the most perfect line from Stripes. Nobody wanted us, hell, they kicked us out in some regards and we found a home. Molly is a mutt and she has to understand what this country is about, what she is about and I hope that this trip instills in her the belief that she can do anything.

I am a proud American, i love the red white and blue, I love the stars and stripes, I love this country and all that it has to offer. Hopefully my daughter will grow to appreciate it as much as I do.

They apparently did not know that Comic-con fans are rabid, they apparently did not know that jerk off little Emo fucks that follow twilight would be online as well to buy tickets. These guys apparently did not load balance their system for the massive amount of traffic that was about to go through their system. Apparently these idiots had no clue what they were about to get hit with. I sat there for 3 hours hitting refresh and seeing their ugly ass damn over capacity logo on the front page. It almost made me as sick as seeing the twitter whlae.

What made matters worse is that they had some fuck on twitter RTing people saying that they got their tickets, but apparently ignored the 10 bazillion tweets about how much they sucked.

I think the worst thing about this crap was when I could get on the ticket page, some days and types of tickets were already blocked out, but later on, they would show up.. then disappear, it was a cluster fuck. I ended up getting 2 adult passes for Thursday, Friday, and Sunday. At the time that I bought those days, Saturday was blocked out, but then I found out that Saturday did not sell out until 3 hours later which pissed me off even more. These guys are fucking jack asses and i am pissed beyond belief that the Comic-con organizers did not make sure that whomever they are contracting out to knows what the fuck they are doing.

How does one spice that up? How does one do something that nobody would imagine, what can one do that will enrich their life?

For me, it is easy. I laugh at other people. It truely makes my day when I can find a Strange News section, or a site with a really funny name, or even a site that you can send someone to check out… of the lemon party variety…. and wait in juvenial snickering until the person comes running back with an AHHHHHHHH!!!!

Days sometimes get too serious, real life trumps all. People need to go on some kind of power trip to exert their power over others to make themselves feel better (and no I am not talking about that bitch blonde cop that decided to ticket me even though I was clearly parked). I am happy that I am not an egomaniac, hell if anything I enjoy laughing at myself, it gets me through the day, most people can’t do that and sadly, it is their loss.

Enjoy the day folks.. going to go tot eh gym so I can sweat some of this fat suit off now.

I have had a love affair with Mint Skoal for probably 15 years. It started casually in 1996 at work, just using on my drive home from Cloud 9 Interactive. The 2 hour drive in traffic was horrendous and it gave me something to do while I literally went 10 mph on the freeway. It really kicked into high gear when I was in Jacksonville, I found that I could do it at my desk while working without anyone knowing. Then of course with my troll like status at my current office, nobody interacts with me, so hiding my addiction was very easy to do and also since others in the office were dipping as well, I was not a social pariah.

But I cannot continue this. I think the worst thing is that I don’t dislike it. I am addicted to it, but I am not sure if I am addicted to the act, or if I am addicted to the use of it. It confuses me. This really sucks since I know what it has done to my body, I know that it has ravaged my lungs. My voice has changed, my breath stinks, my body is not what it was and is not in the shape that it could be in.

I need to stop, for myself, for my family, for my life. I want to grow up and see my daughter get married, I want to sit there and bounce a little McGuffin on my knee and tell them stories of their grandfather as a child. I want to grow old and see the future. It is about living clean.

Maybe I will just start drinking.

This will be the first year since it turned 2007 that I had a full head of hair. I actually have a really full head of hair to say the least, I mean we are talking Afrolicious to say the least….

What to expect in 2011… who knows… some items that I will be able to look forward to based on what is happening right now is the Aztecs making the NCAA tournament and may actually win a game or two. Who knows who will win the NBA title this year, I could not even fathom a guess, I would rather have the Lakers win, but if it is not them I would prefer Boston, just as long as it is not Miami. Still hate Lebron.

I do know that something major will be happening on 9/11/11 the ten year anniversary of the terrorist attacks, I am sure that it will be really emotional and really cheesy.

Jocelyn and Molly arrive back from Florida on the 1st, it will be an epic manner to start the new year…

Happy 2011 folks!

It is not just that the city seems to have things going on, it is a city filled with smart, cultured people. It reminds me of an image that I have created in my mind of what New York would be like, but on a much smaller scale. The people here can talk about anything, they have knowledge, I understand why things are a buzz here, I understand why 50 cents of every venture capitalist dollar is spent in California, specifically in the bay area. San Francisco is a wonderful city.

The Dreamforce event itself was spectacular, the who conference was just minute by minute action, everything that I could have imagined it to be, it surpassed. This city just has things going on in it every single moment of the day. It is 1215am right now and I can walk out and there are people walking on the street, things are happening, this constant movement is something that really recharges the batteries. It makes you feel like you know what, there may be a whole lot of crap going on in the world that is not good, but when I am in an environment like this, it feels good.

Being surrounded by smart people, being surrounded by people that do things, being surrounded by people with a common goal. I like the fact that people here feel they are better than every one else, I love the fact that people here have a little bit of an edge to them. San Diego is nice, but every one has that small town mentality for the second largest city on the West Coast, Los Angeles, every one seems angst ridden. People in San Francisco look healthy, they do not look like they are a second away from having a heart attack, they look good, they like the metropolitan feel, they like the idea that they walk places, or get on the BART and go places.

Every time I come here, no matter what time of day it is, something is going on. In San Diego, it annoys me that they do not want to take that step to become that big city, they refuse to get out of the concept that they are not a sleepy little town, they are in fact a major player, they need to start acting like it. They have that mentality that they are basically a suburb of Los Angeles.

Top three cities get a little changed up for me now, it use to be Seattle, Chicago, San Francisco… Now it is San Francisco, Chicago, Seattle. I need a place where stuff is happening, it makes you feel alive. Right now, I feel alive and it feels great.